Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
