I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
