I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
