yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
