You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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