This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
