i really wish james franco would like my vagina
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
