tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
