my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
