my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
