I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
