Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
