I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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