The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
