guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
