There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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