I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
