So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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