Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
