Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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