i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
