I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
