at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
