Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
