I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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