WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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