I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
