If that was your dad, he is hot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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