im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
