How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just gargled with NyQuil
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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