MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I could fuck to npr.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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