Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
