I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
