I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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