im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
