it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
