ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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