i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
