That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There r osticjed everywhere
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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