I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
