i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
