How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had sex on a roof
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
