what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
