because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
