I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
