look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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