Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this is an emotional support booty call
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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