i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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