So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
