God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
