If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
