someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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