Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
